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7 Steps To Making Couples Counseling Work For You |
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Written by Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD
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Tuesday, 06 May 2008 |
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My patients occasionally ask me what action they should take regarding a specific dynamic in their relationship. It is important for the the individual or couple upon entering the therapy process to be aware, that it is not for the Doctor or Therapist to tell them what to do or how to do it, but rather, to interpret for the couple, and help them to understand exactly what it is that they are trying to purvey in their communications.
by Dr.ArleneKrieger,PHD
My patients occasionally ask me what action they should take regarding a specific dynamic in their relationship. It is important for the the individual or couple upon entering the therapy process to be aware, that it is not for the Doctor or Therapist to tell them what to do or how to do it, but rather, to interpret for the couple, and help them to understand exactly what it is that they are trying to purvey in their communications.
My duty is not to fix my clients, but to "Help Them Help Themselves. " During this process, the therapist provides a safe haven to explore issues, and an experts positioning on the sequences of behavior and patterns of interaction at play in the dance we do called "relationship".
Sometimes it seems impossible "to see the forest for the trees" when one is in the middle of crisis in their own personal trials and tribulations of life and love. As the Therapist, it is my job to help the couple/individual make sense of and choose possible options for moving forward in their relationships in a a positive manner that is pro-active by both parties.
With these basic and essential boundaries in place, the groundwork for the therapeutic process starts. The foundation is laid.
In the first 3 sessions, the therapist must "join" with the patient, meaning, that each respective party begins to feel comfortable in their role as patient, and therapist. It is during these crucial beginning sessions that the doctor/patient relationship is nurtured and the patient(s) often begin to see and feel progress.
It is by then that the patient(s) usually decide that there is a "comfort zone" and they wish to continue with therapy with this particular doctor/ therapist, it is at this point that the interactive components of trust and therapeutic process between Doctor and Patient develop into a productive working relationship.
understanding the Therapeutic process is the secret to a" healthy working relationship" with your therapist, and to getting the most out of your therapy. A few of these rules for therapy are listed below.
1. When approaching therapy, decide whether you are there to "win" at something, or to "work on solutions" to help your relationship survive. Working is the key.
2. Your therapist will not "take sides". Your therapist is well-trained to work from an Objective stance, not Subjective. He/she is there for both of you, to try to help connect the dots that got disconnected.
3. This is your hour to let down your defenses: Don't come into therapy with a "chip on your shoulder. You are either here to gain a better understanding of your relationship or to fight about the past. Unfair fighting is not easily tolerated by any therapist, much less any mate.
4. Take responsibility for your own life, relationship and therapeutic process. Simply going to therapy will not "fix" your relationship. It is up to you and your partner to follow through with the therapeutic process both in and out of the therapy session.
5. Your therapist will provide interactive discussion during therapy. Today's therapy hopes to provide the patient with Solutions for Today's problems. Simply venting or talking to the therapist for the 55 minute session is old school therapy, psychodynamic, and often leaves the patient feeling as thought they've come out of therapy with no new skills, many of which are fun and exciting to try, especially watching what may have seemed a dead relationship come alive by trying them. It still takes work.
6. In solution-focused therapy, homework, or directives for further development of your therapy treatment plan are implemented, so that you've done your part of the therapy process when living your life away from the therapist's office.
7. Please do not expect therapy to be a bed of roses. Expect to feel uncomfortable at the beginning. It is difficult to feel vulnerable and safe enough at the same time, to express your personal issues and move forward with your therapist. Hopefully these guidelines will provide a birds-eye view enabling you to get the most from your investment in Psychotherapy. If you are reading this article, you are taking the first step to improving your quality of life and relationships. As in "What About Bob", baby steps are where to start.
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