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Relationship Advice - Overcoming Jealousy in Your Relationship

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Written by Sarah Love

Friday, 04 April 2008

by SarahLove

Everyone has a past of some kind - an ex-wife, ex-girlfriend or girl FRIENDS that they have had some kind of relationship with. If you are human, then more than likely you have felt some kind of jealousy over these relationships that your current man has.

There are all kinds of instances when we can feel jealousy. Perhaps you are at the bar and you see your boyfriend talking to another woman. Or maybe your date is openly staring at a beautiful girl across the room. Maybe he even cheated on you and you found out.

No two ways about it, jealousy sucks. It makes you feel all kinds of hurtful emotions - anger, guilt, fear, hurt, disgust - you name it. And that happened whether or not your jealousy is reasonable.

There seem to be two different kinds of jealousy, too. One type of jealousy is jealousy that is founded in reason. The other kind is unwarranted. Unwarranted jealousy is being jealous over something like your husband mentioning some even years ago that happened with his ex-girlfriend, or some woman hitting on HIM at the bar.

Jealousy that is rational - such as your man cheating on you, is a signal flare. You cannot ignore these feelings. These feelings definitely indicate that you and your man have some serious issues that you need to work on - together. If he will not work with you on them and he is making you feel like something other than numero uno - you need to find someone who will treat you better.

Essentially what those feelings mean is that you are ANGRY that he is not treating you right. His treatment of you and your own self integrity are at war with each other. And if he is treating you in a way that makes your own integrity have to compete with something else - then he is NOT good enough for you.

The second type of suspicion is when you have negative emotions over things that have occurred in the past, or over things that have no consequence. Everybody has past relationships - even you. If your ex boyfriend walked up to you in the grocery store and said hi - you wouldn't think a thing about it. If you get jealous if that happens to your husband - then you have a problem.

In cases like this, your emotions are sending up a signal to your brain that all is not well within you. These are signs of emotional insecurity and fear. This is when you need to stop what you are doing and take a look inside to see what the true root of this jealousy is. Perhaps you have been hurt before and are acting defensively, or perhaps you are afraid of the unknown.

Sometimes, women even get jealous about things that have not even occurred. Say for instance you see your man talking to a co-worker at a party and they are laughing and having a good time. This is another emotional response to fear and insecurity. You need to look at what HE is doing and tell yourself, "It IS what it IS. Nothing."

Sometimes jealousy is founded, other times it is not. Your relationship with your boyfriend or husband will certainly improve if you are able to discover the ROOT FEAR of your jealousy, and overcome that fear, making YOU a healthier, happier woman.

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