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Toilet Training for Your Toddler

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Written by Dr. Noel Swanson.

Saturday, 15 March 2008

by Dr.NoelSwanson.

Let's begin by removing some misconceptions related to toilet training. Many parents seem to consider potty training as a criterion to judge their child's brightness and their own smartness. Nothing can be farther than the truth. If you try to potty train your child before he/she is ready for it, you will be a nervous wreck, and you will traumatize your child.

There is a time for everything in nature. The less you tamper with it the better it is for you and your child. Your child will be ready for it one day and then the whole process will be more natural, much easier, and less stressful. Don't compare your child with the neighbor's child. It proves nothing.

Parents should never compare children because every child is different. Not many toddlers are genuinely toilet trained before the age of 20 months. The girls start at around the age of two and boys around the age of three. Almost all children are toilet trained by the age of 4. Some continue with bedwetting till the age of 5. This should put you at ease. You have no need to be in a hurry to toilet train your little toddler. If you force it before he is ready, there will be problems like soiling that can continue for many years into the future.

So, in the interests of more peace at home, here are some guidelines on how to prepare your child for the great Potty Training Experience - and how to know when he or she is ready to start.

1. Before you start with potty training, it is important for your child to be familiar with the body parts, their functions, and the names you use as a family. Every family has its own names. So, it really doesn't matter what names you give as long as everyone knows what they mean.

2. It is a good idea to let the child see you or other family member, of the same sex, using the toilet. Again, it's a misconception that it will traumatize the kid. No, it won't - unless you make a big thing of it. If you are natural your child will consider it natural as well. Talk about it in a mature manner so that it becomes a target to achieve when they are grown up. Toddlers are imitating grown-ups all the time. And, this will instill a sense of anticipation and desire to be like them. You may allow your child to flush the toilet; it helps to get them used to the whole process.

3. As the time approaches for starting the toilet training, get the potty out and leave it in a visible place. Make sure she knows what it is, and what it is for but, again, talk in terms of "one day you will be able to use this".

Look for the signs of approaching readiness:

1. Can she tell you when she is wet or dirty? You can help with this by asking her or pointing out to her immediately after she urinated or had a bowel movement. Whether your spot it, or she tells you, change her diaper as soon as possible. You want to reinforce the idea that being clean and dry is more comfortable than being wet and dirty. If she comes and tells you that she needs a diaper change, offer lots of praise and do it straight away.

2. The second phase is when he has to decipher the signals. This can take a long time. Be patient. Often they get to know at the last moment, and then there is not sufficient time to rush to the toilet and pull off the diaper. By the time the clothes and diaper is removed the deed may have been done. Be prepared for many such accidents. If it happens too often, it is better to wait some more.

3. See if your child can follow simple directions like taking a piece of tissue and throwing it into the toilet. If not, or if he refuses to do so, then you need to address that problem first.

4. Look out for signs of developing bowel and bladder control, such as clear patterns of bowel movements. If your child's stools are firm and well formed, and he is able to stay dry for several hours at a time, he is ready for toilet training because he will be able to control himself long enough to get to the bathroom. However, don't let the child strain to withhold; that can cause more serious problems. If your child experiences pain on passing a motion, you may have to change the diet to make the stool softer and easier to pass.

5. Does she have a positive feeling about toileting? If you have done the preparatory work, she should be looking forward to the day she can use a toilet like a grown up. However, some children do develop fears about flushing water etc, which you will need to resolve before starting the toilet training. Again, familiarity with the toilet should alleviate most of this. Practice sitting on the potty (in clothes) may reassure her that she won't disappear and get flushed away like the poo does.

Once all these signs start to come together, she is probably ready to get started. When you do, remember to keep it all positive! Rewards for success, "oh, well", not punishments, for failures.

Best of luck.

About the Author:

Tired of your toddler's temper tantrums? For more help on solving children's behaviors and for advice on toddler's temper tantrums vist Dr. Noel Swanson's website, and check out his acclaimed book, The GOOD CHILD Guide.